Homeschool Community

As we all know, teenagers' brains aren't right!  The things they are going through makes them almost non-human - is my teen from another planet?  LOL

I am beginning homeschooling my 15 year old daughter - not that it matters, but she is my foster soon-to-be adopted daughter.  I love her with all my heart, body, and soul.  But most days, I want to run away!  I wish kids could go from 10 to 20 or that I could pull a "Rip Van Winkle" from then to then! 

She is moody, selfish, and boring.  She talks on the phone all day (and night) long and is miserable when she's not with her friends.  I hate her boyfriend (although I'd never let her know that-'cos then she'd keep him around just to spite me!) and she is a drama queen, especially when her friends are around. 

Unfortunately, she has had a horrible life before coming to live with me - both of her parents are incarcerated (till she's 20) and her relatives either don't want her or are gay or convicted felons!

Now, on the other hand, not only is she physically beautiful, but she is sweet, thoughtful, and well-spoken.  She is very intelligent and open to learning new things.  She says she wants to be a teacher and a real estate agent (my family and I have dabbled in RE all my life and I used to be a high school teacher) - personally, I think she would make an excellent journalist - she tells a vivd story and is very detail oriented.  She has an uncanny ability to adapt to any and all situations or environments (she is African-American and I am Arab-American) - she gets along and is extremely sociable with all peoples.

So, my problem is she is LAZY and spoiled!  (The latter being my fault, I'm afraid - overcompensating for her former misrable life) I am having the hardest time getting her motivated and interested.  She has this notion that she can be homeschooled whenever she feels like it.  That now that she doesn't go to public school she is on permanent vacation.  I use every opportunity to teach her.  From how to properly wrap a Christmas gift to how to properly clean a bathroom to how to correctly plant a citrus tree to how cool 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' and 'Jeopardy' really are!  I involve her in just about everything I can.

BUT, she is SO moody.  Last night, we were "googling" snow online to see where the closest place to us was that had  snow right now.  I had every intention of taking an impromptu road trip.  She was doing the research while I finished folding laundry.  When I knocked on her door to chec on her, she gave me that heavy sigh and said, "Why do you keep bothering me?"  

Help!  Do I need to find a good therapist for us both or can anyone enlighten me here?

Hi genihanna,

I do indeed think they are from another planet!   They can be so incredibly rude and selfish - then they will do something kind and wonderful and your heart melts.  I love having teens, but I see it for the roller coaster ride that it is.  When I EXPECT them to be a certain way, my hopes always get dashed.  It works better when I just go with the flow, it seems.  A couple more years of maturity can make a huge difference in their behavior. 

How long has she been with you?  If you are really concerned that it is more than typical teen stuff, it doesn't hurt to go talk to someone.  An outside opinion can often bring such clarity.

christinefield

Hi Genihanna

 You are not alone on the teen ride.  I assist my sister with her 11 & 12 year old and my children are full grown with the exception of the granddaughter I am raising. 

My 12 year old niece is so self conscious, feels that she can homeschool when she wants, goes to her room, tells you to leave her alone, image conscience and all.  Yes this is a very hard age because they are not quite grown but not quite a child anymore.  They tend to be very testy (test the water to see how far they can go).  We just go with the flow. 

She can go from being teary eyed, to laughing, from super kind to super mean and her favorite words are nobody understands me, nobody loves me,  I am bored.  She is an excellent actor, can do flips, turns and many other moves that ballerinas and gymnasts do she can also draw.  Her favorite words are why do I have to study this I'm not going to need it.  In other words I'm with you and understand what you are going through.

 On the other hand as you mentioned, she has gone through quite a bit  at such a young age.  I applaud you for what you are doing.  Hang in there I am sure it will get better.  Whether or not to find a therapist I can't really say.  If you seriously feel that counseling can help then follow your heart. 

Here, Here:

 I do not yet homeschool but I want to now.  My daughter is 15 years old and very bright.  She is not fitting in at school and her grades are dropping.  We are not religous people which would actualy help her in the area where we live.  I would like to see my daughter return to a love of learning.  I think the school system has knocked this out of her.  I've always wanted for her to "bloom where she was planted" but am finding that not to be the case.  My thought though is how do you keep a free and open school environment at home which motivates her to learn on her own but doesn't give way to total anarchy.

Thanks,

Kara

kara_jacks@hotmail.com

I have already been through the the teenager phase once and have 2 more to go!!!! (11 & 13) My oldest is 18 now, graduated and recieved a $70,000 scholorship from the US army. He said that was the proudest moment in his life and all the hardwork and sleepless nights for me worrying had paid off. And because of his high scores he got his pick of any job in the Army. ( He picked a really good one!) He is going to use the scholorship to get a 4 year degree in cellular biology and he loves acting and theatre. He is also planning on a 2 year theatre arts degree.  Even though they started out in public school I felt like I was having to "teach" them with the way public schools are these days.

Everyone has there own way and you will find your niche but what I found helpful in my case was being able to seperate "mom as teacher" and "mom as mom". Because in the children's minds when we 1st start home schooling they actually see it as Ok moms just telling us more of what to do. Same thing as we telling them to do the dishes or clean their room we are now telling them to learn this and learn that, do this test and do that worksheet. Because their enviornment is now home they sure don't see it as a learning enviornment. At first they thought they could download music during class time, bring up who did what to who last night and get to tell me how fast they wanted to move the day or course along when they wanted. HA! Of course during sturctured class time they got to get the extras like hugs and kisses from me when they do something good and rewards, snacks and things I know they want, but they learned to respect me as their teacher during those times and nothing about home life was brought up during instuction. And at night if we were watching something on TV I never said hey you need to do that for class tommorrow or go research that for your report on biology etc.. Even though I maybe folding clothes or vacuming while they are taking a test or doing a project I demanded and earned that respect as teacher. Then when class is over I am mom again, breaking up squabbles, getting them to do their chores and anything else I would have normally done at home after a day of school. Believe it or not I quickly earned their respect as a teacher and in learning from me they actually said " hey she knows what she's talking about" LOL. Thats the only way I could get homeschooling to work at my house. We still have a ball during class time. Making a homemade pizza on lunch break can still combine a health lesson, cooking elective and math all in one! Going shopping outside of class they can figure the taxes and percent on that got to have pair of pants or blouse and that music they are downloading in different formats can teach them different file extensions names like .mp3 and .wav in a technology course and how to create one.

In your case genihanna, because of the different emotional things your daughters been through and the life she's had, she probably has never had that much attention from anyone but you in her whole life. She probably is struggling internally with how to take it all and feels a little smothered now because you are now her everything, her parent, friend & teacher. Try keeping class time as just that, then the family time outside of class seperate and most of all make sure she has her space and alone time to still do the things she enjoys. Then thats the time she can burn the phone lines up and plan things with her friends and make that clear its her time as long as she's meeting her instruction requirements you've set and doing what she needs to at home, because Lord knows a teenager craves that alone time away from their parents in any way shape or form LOL. Alot of times I crave for the terrible 2's again as opposed to the tyrannical 12's. And that LAZY, SPOILED & I AM BORED well unfortunatley that never goes away until they actually become an adult and have to earn their own I'm afraid. But maybe something like that would work better for her. Try playing around with different ways of doing it. And most of all good luck, you are doing a wonderful thing by giving her a better shot at life!!

Hi there . .

   Your daughter is fortunate!  She has a mother who cares about her--about her love of learning--not merely about her achievement.   I'm an editor at this site--and homeschooled a teenage girl!!  Keeping that balance you mention-helping her toward things she already had an interest in, and combining reading, writing papers, and more learning became do-able, as we moved along.  Love of learning tends to get stronger as we help our kids connect "learning" to things they already are interested in. The more we go down this road, they, our kids, also see how this works--and they start to enter in to finding more ways to learn about what they already love.  What does she love?  Let's say it's horses. Perhaps a local vet would allow you both to come over--if she could observe--be a paid or un-paid helper--perhaps the vet can recommend equine science books--or perhaps there's a short course, or a seminar on this, in your area.  Where most children this age need to keep growing--learning wise--is in reading, in more depth, thinking and analyzing, in more depth, and writing, in more depth, with more clarity, and more organization.  Helping them do these things about subjects they love, help both come together.   I wish you and your daughter the best!!    (Also want to recommend to you many resources at our site in New to Homeschooling, which you find in the blue header-these may help. Also in Community, in our Columns, I wrote one called, "Homeschooling Your High Schooler" which may also be a help. Again, all the best!! ) 

I have found that my teenager is a much happier person now that she knows she never has to go back to the local high school!  Liana and I have always been close and we have always had an open and communicative relationship, but for the past 2 years, she has been so highly stressed that she was snappy, whiny and constantly "not feeling well" on school mornings.  Her day-to-day stress levels were so high that when she had PMT - watch out!!  But in the past 6 weeks, she has relaxed to such an extent that her PMT "spike" is now below what used to be her normal state.

She is so engaged when we talk about our plans for homeschooling, so bright and interested, which is a nice change from her weary attitude of the last two years! 

 HI KARA..  YOU SAID A MOUTH FULL.. I AM IN BIBLE BELT FLORIDA AND GOING THREW THE SAME THING WITH MY 14 YEAR OLD SON.

 W E ARE SPIRITUL LIBERALS AND STICK OUT LIKE SORE THUMBS. LAST YEAR MY SON MISSED 70 DAYS BUT THEY  PASSED HIM  DUE TO HIS HIGH FCAT SCORES.  CORY STARTED HIGH SCHOOL AND IN TWO WEEKS HE MISSED 5 DAYS. SO YESTERDAY WAS HIS LAST DAY..SO NOW WHAT!..LOL// HE IS GIFTED SO I AM GOING TO TRY UNSCHOOLING.. DO YOU HAVE ANY HINTS.. HUGS LAURA